Temper Tantrum Terrible Two, You Name It

Eirsa is now 2 years and 3 months old and I think we, the parents, have started to master the art of dealing with the famous terrible two. No. Too ambitious. We are just beginning to get the full picture of the expectations but talking about the art of dealing with this kind of tantrum, we are far from perfect (lagi mau cerita pasal master, chet!).

So yes, the tantrum, when it comes, could really test your patience. I was not the angelic patience mother type, even my close friends were quite surprise that I could tolerate with a kid better than I could tolerate with myself. And talking about tantrum 2, I admit, during the earlier stage my blood boil everytime. E-ve-ry tai-emm. I tried to be reasonable, I avoided shouting at her (which made my blood even went higher!), I avoided to babab her. But when the tantrum comes, me, being a human being that could easily be influenced by shaitonirrajim, I several time babab-ed her. And twice I regret shouting at her (at home, never ever in public, you should not portray your anger in the public as the kids understand humiliation and they will just go wilder).

Trust me, neither any specific ways would work. Every time she throws her tantrum, she demands different treatment. Sometimes she would just settle down with me ignoring her un-meet-able demand (of course after a good 10 minutes scream), or sometimes she would just continue crying sampai muntah atau hilang suara atau sampai sakit badan dek hempas-hempas ke lantai until I came to console her. Or on the other odd days, after all efforts, Mommy gt tired, gave he a babab or two, consoled her, then only she cooled down. Bribing her with her favorite stuffs would not work all the time.

Somehow or rather, we managed to get the gist of these painful episodes of tantrum :

1) The communication gap. She is in the phase of developing her vocabs (I believe all is in her head now but to get it out is totally another story and skill). As such she could just go "Ni.." "No.." "Bear..." "Cow..." "Ooonnn (bangun..)" and any other single word which would not be 100% reflected to her exact desire. And I tell you what, the desire could change in split second, ikut dan dia je.

2) The ability to deny parents' directions. True enough, her default answer now is "No!" even though she would eventually follow our directions but that would be the default first response.

3) The preference. If she would want her BearBear A, that means she WANTED THAT SPECIFIC Bearbear (grrr.....). Not the other BearBear cousins. And the preference keeps on changing depends on her mood. How to predict? Cannot. At least you are good at mind reading (please share the skills with me!)

4) The feeling that Mommy and Papa could do anything for her. Hatta meredah lautan bara api. So everything that she demanded SHOULD BE MET by us, which is very unfortunately darling, Mommy could never bring a dead cow alive.

5) The insecurity. Yes, She still has the insecurity in her in which she has the feeling that if she did not get what she wanted, the whole world will collapse. Not literally but more or less la. Their knowledge on things like alternatives, there's always next time, is very little.

6) The uncomfortable self or surrounding. For instance she seldomly woke up at night, screaming. That usually indicated that either she had bad dreams or her sleep disturbed by the heat or just simply caused
by a stomachache. And since you already knew what to do with these discomfort, quickly applied the remedy for any possibilities.

Frankly, this post contains no specific approaches or solutions to be applied this period of tantrum two. Same like other parents, we are still learning on both Eirsa's behaviour and our behaviour towards her tantrum. Still, perhaps :

1) You could follow your instinct in dealing with the tantrum but keep the good parenting values close with you; which means no scolding or babab-ing in public, no shouting, but at the same time not necessarily to follow bluntly what she wants.

2) Try to be creative in providing solution to all her wants, so that she would not have preference and as such the tolerance and acceptance to many solutions could be widen. If she is so get used to routines, some little change to her daily activities could cause a major upset. Playing with what's-next game with the kids is somewhat interesting too!

3) You don't necessarily have to meet with all her demands. If you did, she would register that she could get everything that she wanted, everytime. Dangerous. Be creative, find alternatives.

4) Before introducing some new things for the to do, provide the explaination on what to expect beforehand. This would help them to accept any changes rather than creating yet another scene of protest.

5) Take turn. If Papa is dealing with the tantrum, Mommy doesn't have to add salt to injury and vice versa. Just let the anak-beranak settle down and monitor from afar.

6) Seek for assistance if required. If Mommy could not figure out what she wants, ask Papa to help. Usually Eirsa would go easier with the other parent whom she did not project the demand in the first place.

7) Be cool. She is the one who is upset. You are smart enough not to fall into the trap of shaitan's whispers but again, being a leeeetle human being this is hard to achieve. Still, inshaAllah, pray to Allah, istighfar, take a deep breath, take a step back or walk away for one or two minutes and do all the necessities (not necessarily to meed the demand, but rather to comfort her).

8) Upon the successfulness of the consolation, hug her, kiss her and whisper on her behaviour that could cause the world upside down and that she has to be in good behaviour for everything to go her way. The eyes might get caught to TV but she actually listened.

9) If possible, come up with a checklist and list down all the possible alternatives, so that you are always equipped with the solution. But to attend a hysterically screaming child and to look for the checklist at the same time is not always easy. :)

10) Accept yourself as you are and not to meet others' expectations. They don't know the trouble and not helping either. Do the best as guided in your faith and inline with humanity. You could never go wrong.

May be I forgot to include any other important things but you guys are just beautiful parents are you are. Enjoy parenthood!

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