You Did It To Yourself

Warning : This is my personal experience that I wanted to share with you. You could be judgmental and I couldn't and won't stop you. Allah is to judge me and He did keep his promise.

I had my assessment for my current career post last month after several months of waiting. I was informed 6 days earlier and it was obvious that I had ample time to prepare myself mentally and physically and to strategize the best route to the assessment center so I could ensure I arrived earlier than appointment time. You know KL, a car could have been parked at the very side of a road because the driver could not avoid but had to pee there and then and the whole route and connected route would congest instantly.

I, being the typical kelam kabut assessee would definitely do my homework, revision and start praying for the best, for everything to go smooth easy peasy. I meant not too easy lah but well enough that I could not do anything wrong or stupid. But I kept on delaying the preparation process and even worse, delaying in performing my solat hajat (which by the way I would always make sure I did at least once before any big thing). The first 3 days prior to the assessment, I barely done any preparation, including the solat hajat. And it so happened that I had my menstrual right on the 4th day which clearly meant it was impossible for me to perform the solat hajat prior to the assessment. That when I started to worry about the assessment, my lack of preparation and my lack of confidence.

I however managed to get some tips and helpful information from some friends who had undergone the same assessment quite recently. I felt more confident but my instinct was still not settled down. When people told that I'm going to be OK, they had faith me, they knew I could do it, I didn't deny the motivation but I still had the feeling that something bad would happen. I told them that it was not the content of the assessment but more to the outside factors for example I might get brain freeze or it could be my health or my car buat hal (as I discovered all four tyres looked a bit penyek) or even worse, something might have happened during on the road. Na'uzubillahiminzalik. I continued praying that the assessment would go well.

But indeed, it happened, it was the last one, the journey.

That night, Husband commanded everyone to sleep early. The lights were off as early as 9.45pm and I slept earlier than Eirsa did. The night was fine, I had a good night sleep, just a small tolerable interruption when Eirsa woke up for her regular night milk feed. The alarm was functioning, I woke up as early as 6.04 a.m. But.

Never had I done this before, I chose to just lay on the bed for some more minutes, checked my iPhone, accessed my Twitter account and even managed to reply to an interesting The Pink Stiletto's tweet. I even read the whole timeline and didn't notice how minutes that I have wasted until it was already 6.25am and I rushed to get ready for the day. Weirdly, I didn't get panic attacked. Even though I knew the SMART tunnel was closed due to maintenance, I still intelligently came to an assumption that they would open the tunnel back for public access due to overwhelming complaints received due to the closure that started the day before. I was completely wrong.

I reached the KL-Seremban highway as late as 7.25am and gosh, the traffic was almost not moving. The SMART tunnel management was so serious about the maintenance and continued closing the tunnel for another day. And. I. Was. Dead. The registration was at 8.30am and it is impossible for me to reach Jalan Semarak in on hour, when the car was only crawling at 10km/h. Weirdly, I still didn't get panic attacked, as if I knew this was going to happen. As if I knew this was THE punishment.

So, I asked a friend to guide me to another route, via Besraya. The day before, the route was better than KL-Seremban Highway, to reach Loke Yew and I could at probably reached Jalan Semarak around 8.30am. I took a turn and guided by her on the phone and alhamdulillah reached Besraya easily. But, but, but. Besraya traffic was moving at 30km/h an it was already 7.50am. D.A.M.N. That when I started to panic.

At a point on Besraya, I could actually choose to each Jalan Semarak via Jalan Istana & Mahameru or I could choose to proceed straight to join Loke Yew. Again, I assumed that Loke Yew would not be as congested since most of the drivers got stuck at KL- Seremban highway. Definitely a wrong assumption. My car was technically stop at a point for around 10 mins and move another 50 meters and halt again and this happened almost all the way on Loke Yew until I reached Jalan Tun Razak. At this point I had switched off my radio, higher up the blower, lower down the temperature and pray pray pray (and almost cried). I called my mom for her prayers and text my husband and friend on the latest news. That was the time when I realized why were all these happening.

I always procrastinate in performing my solat. It is quite a routine to wait for at the very end of solat period to perform it and wait for 10 minutes to continue performing the next prayer. For example at office. My Zuhur is usually 15 minutes before Asar so I would only have to have wudu' once. And embarrassingly, sometimes I only managed to perform Zuhur during the borderline of Zuhur and Asar. Why am I doing this to the very important thing in my life; serving Allah. And solat only require 5 x 5 times a day and I still want to find was to delay. And that was what Allah showed me the importance of preserving my discipline (means performing solat); through this incident.

But, the next part could not emphasize more that Allah is indeed Ar-Rauf, The Pitying.

I reached the registration desk 2 minutes before they started, with empty stomach. But I still managed to grab a box of 100ml soy bean and finished the whole lot 30 seconds before the assessment started. A couple of deep breaths later, the assessment started. And Allah is Al-'Afuw (The Pardoner) the whole session was easy, the assessor was being firm and fair and I had ample time later to prepare for the second session. I even believe that all the easiness granted was not because of me or my prayers, but for others that prayed and would rely on me to pass this assessment.

Thank you Allah, thank you Allah, thank you Allah.

Thank you to Mak, Husband, Eirsa, my angels and angelos in office, my angels in my heart, mothers and all of you that have prayed for me. May Allah love you more.

Note : Alhamdulillah, result received today and I passed the assessment, means some monthly extra rezeki for me. True enough. Allah itu tidak zalim, tetapi kamu yang menzalimi diri kamu sendiri.

Once Upon A Time

Yet another pictorial post, to indicate that this blog and I are still alive.

These were taken 3-5 years back (semua gambar adalah mengikut turutan peristiwa).

Young (still are), healthy (alhamdulillah, still are) and crazily in love (and alhamdulillah, still are).

Wordless Wednesday

On Her First Malaysia International Passport

It is very thoughtful of Malaysian Immigration to introduce new weekend business hour for passport new application and renewal, starting Nov 2010. They offer this extended business hour at 7 offices in Klang Valley; Damansara, Precint 15 Putrajaya, Port Klang, Wangsa Maju, Kajang, Subang and Shah Alam. Business hour is from 0730 to 1300 hours. Besides, their new online application and renewal service do decrease the number of at-counter-application visitors. The processes were simple :

1. Fill up the form with complete supporting documents (the latest form is simple, worry not).
2. Submit the form for process.
3. Pay for the summed amount.
4. Collect the ready passport (upon application approval), not more than 1 hour after payment made.

Nevertheless, our aim to reach there at 8.00am was indeed just a dream. We reached there at 9.30am, went straight to the studio booth and took the latest photo of both Mommy (my passport expired last year) and Eirsa. Not easy to capture a good passport photo of Eirsa but yeah, we managed. 4 pieces of passport photo were for RM15, and we were not given the softcopy. But perhaps if we brought along a thumbdrive and insisted for a copy, we might get ours with perhaps small amount of additional charge.

So then we went to the ambil-angka-giliran counter but given the form to be filled up first. Ye lah, dah kalau diberi nombor awal-awal tapi terkial-kial nak mengisi borang sampai tiba angka giliran, penat pula orang menunggu. Re-requested for the latest number, we were given the special shorter series as Eirsa's application was considered as special case. Groups of special applicants with special can-jump-queue treatments were :

• Warga emas of 60 years old and older
• OKU
• Kids less than 7 years old
• Pregnant ladies

We were called within 15 minutes after the number assignment and the documents submission processes completed in just 10 minutes (could be even earlier if Eirsa did not meronta-meronta bila Mommy nak pinjam jari untuk dapatkan cap jari domok nya itu).

Then we have to wait to be again called to make payment. It took around 30 minutes (after 1 complete episode of Ultraman and numerous Yusuf Taiyoob dates ads) to make payment as I believe payment could only be made if our application was approved. In fact, Eirsa's passport payment made 5 minutes earlier than mine (not at the same time). I made full payment for my renewed passport and half for new Eirsa's passport. If I'm not mistaken, half price for child with age 18 and less and perhaps for other groups to which I did not capture (sowi).

Since we were promised with 1-hour passport ready after payment made, we went for our heavy brunch first. Lapar. Worry not, there were many shop lots and restaurants at that area (tak perlu ke Alamanda pun) and we went to Ani Sup Utara. Yummy. But actually there was possibility for the passport to be ready in less than 1 hour and if you wanted, you could just wait there until your number was being called.

Her (and my ehem ehem) best photo.

Menunggu giliran sampai tergeliat badan

It's A Fact! : Pakistan requires a Muslim citizen who applies for a passport to subscribe to the following declaration :

1. I am a Muslim and believe in the absolute and unqualified finality of the Prophethood of Muhammad the last of the Prophets
2. I do not recognize any one whole claims to be a prophet in any sense of the word or any description whatsoever, after Prophet Muhammad or recognize such a claimant as a prophet or a religious reformer as Muslim.
3. I consider Mirza Ghulam Ahmad Qadiani to be an impostor prophet and an infidel and also consider his followers whether belonging to the Lahori, Qadiani or Mirzai groups, to be non-Muslims.

The declarationw as instituted by the Islamist military regime of Muhammad Zia-ul-Haq. The reason for the declaration was to prevent Ahmadis who are derogatorily called Qadianis from going to Mecca or Medina for Hajj or Umrah. (Source).

Temper Tantrum Terrible Two, You Name It

Eirsa is now 2 years and 3 months old and I think we, the parents, have started to master the art of dealing with the famous terrible two. No. Too ambitious. We are just beginning to get the full picture of the expectations but talking about the art of dealing with this kind of tantrum, we are far from perfect (lagi mau cerita pasal master, chet!).

So yes, the tantrum, when it comes, could really test your patience. I was not the angelic patience mother type, even my close friends were quite surprise that I could tolerate with a kid better than I could tolerate with myself. And talking about tantrum 2, I admit, during the earlier stage my blood boil everytime. E-ve-ry tai-emm. I tried to be reasonable, I avoided shouting at her (which made my blood even went higher!), I avoided to babab her. But when the tantrum comes, me, being a human being that could easily be influenced by shaitonirrajim, I several time babab-ed her. And twice I regret shouting at her (at home, never ever in public, you should not portray your anger in the public as the kids understand humiliation and they will just go wilder).

Trust me, neither any specific ways would work. Every time she throws her tantrum, she demands different treatment. Sometimes she would just settle down with me ignoring her un-meet-able demand (of course after a good 10 minutes scream), or sometimes she would just continue crying sampai muntah atau hilang suara atau sampai sakit badan dek hempas-hempas ke lantai until I came to console her. Or on the other odd days, after all efforts, Mommy gt tired, gave he a babab or two, consoled her, then only she cooled down. Bribing her with her favorite stuffs would not work all the time.

Somehow or rather, we managed to get the gist of these painful episodes of tantrum :

1) The communication gap. She is in the phase of developing her vocabs (I believe all is in her head now but to get it out is totally another story and skill). As such she could just go "Ni.." "No.." "Bear..." "Cow..." "Ooonnn (bangun..)" and any other single word which would not be 100% reflected to her exact desire. And I tell you what, the desire could change in split second, ikut dan dia je.

2) The ability to deny parents' directions. True enough, her default answer now is "No!" even though she would eventually follow our directions but that would be the default first response.

3) The preference. If she would want her BearBear A, that means she WANTED THAT SPECIFIC Bearbear (grrr.....). Not the other BearBear cousins. And the preference keeps on changing depends on her mood. How to predict? Cannot. At least you are good at mind reading (please share the skills with me!)

4) The feeling that Mommy and Papa could do anything for her. Hatta meredah lautan bara api. So everything that she demanded SHOULD BE MET by us, which is very unfortunately darling, Mommy could never bring a dead cow alive.

5) The insecurity. Yes, She still has the insecurity in her in which she has the feeling that if she did not get what she wanted, the whole world will collapse. Not literally but more or less la. Their knowledge on things like alternatives, there's always next time, is very little.

6) The uncomfortable self or surrounding. For instance she seldomly woke up at night, screaming. That usually indicated that either she had bad dreams or her sleep disturbed by the heat or just simply caused
by a stomachache. And since you already knew what to do with these discomfort, quickly applied the remedy for any possibilities.

Frankly, this post contains no specific approaches or solutions to be applied this period of tantrum two. Same like other parents, we are still learning on both Eirsa's behaviour and our behaviour towards her tantrum. Still, perhaps :

1) You could follow your instinct in dealing with the tantrum but keep the good parenting values close with you; which means no scolding or babab-ing in public, no shouting, but at the same time not necessarily to follow bluntly what she wants.

2) Try to be creative in providing solution to all her wants, so that she would not have preference and as such the tolerance and acceptance to many solutions could be widen. If she is so get used to routines, some little change to her daily activities could cause a major upset. Playing with what's-next game with the kids is somewhat interesting too!

3) You don't necessarily have to meet with all her demands. If you did, she would register that she could get everything that she wanted, everytime. Dangerous. Be creative, find alternatives.

4) Before introducing some new things for the to do, provide the explaination on what to expect beforehand. This would help them to accept any changes rather than creating yet another scene of protest.

5) Take turn. If Papa is dealing with the tantrum, Mommy doesn't have to add salt to injury and vice versa. Just let the anak-beranak settle down and monitor from afar.

6) Seek for assistance if required. If Mommy could not figure out what she wants, ask Papa to help. Usually Eirsa would go easier with the other parent whom she did not project the demand in the first place.

7) Be cool. She is the one who is upset. You are smart enough not to fall into the trap of shaitan's whispers but again, being a leeeetle human being this is hard to achieve. Still, inshaAllah, pray to Allah, istighfar, take a deep breath, take a step back or walk away for one or two minutes and do all the necessities (not necessarily to meed the demand, but rather to comfort her).

8) Upon the successfulness of the consolation, hug her, kiss her and whisper on her behaviour that could cause the world upside down and that she has to be in good behaviour for everything to go her way. The eyes might get caught to TV but she actually listened.

9) If possible, come up with a checklist and list down all the possible alternatives, so that you are always equipped with the solution. But to attend a hysterically screaming child and to look for the checklist at the same time is not always easy. :)

10) Accept yourself as you are and not to meet others' expectations. They don't know the trouble and not helping either. Do the best as guided in your faith and inline with humanity. You could never go wrong.

May be I forgot to include any other important things but you guys are just beautiful parents are you are. Enjoy parenthood!

Note : More reading, go here.

Wordless Wednesday

Kota Kinabalu, 13 June 2011

These are fresh from oven.

Am now one a queen-sized bed, Le Meridian Kota Kinabalu, Sabah. Not a gateaway, but more to another call of works. But somehow or rather, this is a good, brief me-time when I can enjoy my luxurious 30 mins bath, uninterrupted TV session and once in a blue moon night blogging! Yes, I didn't mention about uninterrupted sleep since it is almost sure that I'll still get 'interrupted' sleep after consistent 2 years of terjaga malam because of Eirsa. No regret but rather getting used to it and made me miss my baby a lot!

So, Kota Kinabalu. This is not my first, second or third. I had been here for quite some belas-belas time for work and once for our third honeymoon. But I could never get enough of this city. It seems to have inexhaustible list of offerings to the visitors. I will fall in love over and over again.

Arrived at around 7.30pm at the hotel, we still managed to catch up with the night markets in which there are 4 of them just around this area; the famous Philippines market (I bought nothing, puas dah bakar duit kat sini dulu), pasar jual buah-buahan dan sayur-sayuran (I bought dried anchovies for Mak and Mama), pasar dried food (I bought nothing, but my staff bought whole lot of Amplang and kuih cin cin), pasar makan-makanan hawkers style (I bought my dinner here, nasik goreng membukit punya banyak!) and pasar malam jual all the denims, bags, shoes with very good bargain (I bought a bangle, worth buying!). Pasar buah-buahan dan sayur-sayuran offered the best selections that you could get; all items are well packed and very neat! Murah dan fresh, tok sah nak cakap la. I takut Mak nak bermastautin kat sini je kalau jumpa benda-benda makan yang fresh begini.

Foreigners are not foreign here. They are always some numbers of them, most of them backpackers.

I always say KK is good place for tourism. The kaki scenery gunung Kinabalu, the breathtaking islands around Tunku Abdul Rahman marine area, the night markets, and not to forget, the fresh fresh fresh seafood. I'll definitely come back, with Eirsa of course. One day.

Ye. Saya menyesal. Sebab malas nak bawak camera. Lalu terpaksa ambil gambar guna camera iPhone 3GS sahaja. Harap maaf kualiti gambar tidak sesedap mata memandang.

The flea market was located along this road. And very early in the morning, the road already cleaned! I mean, very clean!

This thing is heavy, I mean not the cheapo style. But I manage to get this half of first offered price.

 Note : Can't wait to go home. Homesick. Mengada gedik.