On Pospartum

I believe I had postpartum after giving birth to Eirsa. Perhaps it was minor but it was quite disturbing.

I consistently felt dejected, negelected, burdened, angry and of course of all the badness; pressure.

I could never thank Mak enough for still wanting to take care of my 'makanan dalam pantang', for finding a massage makcik and for taking baby Eirsa to bathe and dress her up every morning for 40 days. I was lucky.

But those above unnecessary feelings still came to me, as a result of

1. My minor difficulties during labor that required me to undergo c-section procedure, the after-effect of the caesarian itself (all the more pantang and extra-care required)
2. Baby Eirsa's upside down sleeping schedule
3. My husband was in KL while I was 'berpantang' in Melaka
4. My over protective feeling and actions towards baby Eirsa that I could easily got pissed off when my nephews, whom three of them under Mak's care and basically they were there with me during the whole 40 days, made noise and running and chasing eash other all over the house. No, they were ok, they were just being kids, it was just me. I didn't want Eirsa to wake up during the days as I needed to get some rest too after sleepless nights.
5. The heat. Gosh, it was so hot and as a part of the pantang, baby Eirsa and I were allowed to bathe once a day (early in the morning) only.
6. My breast milk only 'showed up' on day 4th. This was the biggest challenge actually since Husband and I was determine to provide Eirsa with exclusive breast milk for at least the first 6 months.

And that's why I was 'hot'.

I really needed support from my husband but he too had a lot of errands to run at that time. Besides his daily job in KL, he was also busy preparing for our new house, for baby Eirsa and I. We planned to move to our new house, as soon as the 'pantang' period is over.

So, dealing with baby Eirsa's sleep through the day and awake through the night, the caesarian incision, the heat, the over-protective new mother I was, the husband was far far away, yes, I was so depressed. I cried (if not outside, inside my heart) everytime my husband called. I even got angry at baby Eirsa when she refused to sleep while I was so tired and need my rest. Baby Eirsa was just a baby and she knew nothing other than smiling back at me whenever I smile at her. The depression was undescribable and thank you Allah, You still led me throught the right path and made me stronger. And kept my sanity close to me.

It is scientifically proven and women after giving birth will experience negative feelings that would contribute to high possibility of postpartum. Not saying that it is OK, but it is true and unavoidable. The only thing that keeps your sanity is by being super patient and believe in God.

For new mothers, I'm not saying that you are not excepted. Every new mother experiences different kind and level of depression. Some are just pure happy being mother on her own even without others' help while some will still feel depress even though they are surrounded with loved ones with generous assistance. Yes, it's not created by you, but the negative feeling will uninvitedly come.

When the time comes, the first thing that you need to have in your heart that the baby is God's gift and he/she is an individual. You don't put certain expectations as they might just be different. You don't put the blame on the baby and that please don't put in your mind that you are alone, as Allah is always always always there and all mothers' prayers are heard, if not immediately, soon. Babies need to be taught, guided and mom's love and care contributes to major part of their development. And last but not least, the pantang period is not forever. It will soon end and the baby will soon, without you realize, grows and you'll miss their baby time. So, enjoy it while it lasts. God will love you more.

Note : And now my Eirsa is two, she has started to show the Tantrum/Trouble Two symptoms. Not much, but yeah, sometimes she could make my blood boiled. But I hope this time I could maintain reasonable, logical and practical.

In mummy's belly

During her early infant years

When she was 1

She is now, same person, different kind of trantrum